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Divorce

What Are The Signs That You Should Get a Divorce?

Divorce is a common fact of life these days. In the United States alone, it is estimated by the American Psychological Association that 40 to 50 percent of married couples will undergo divorce at some point. Divorce is also allowed in almost all countries, with the exception of only two countries: the Philippines and the Vatican. 

Despite the fact that divorce has become commonplace, it is still not considered as an attractive prospect. Divorce still carries some of the stigmas that it did a few decades ago. It is something that will affect a person emotionally, socially, and even financially. In some instances, however, getting a divorce might actually be the better option for you and your partner. 

Deciding to get a divorce places a huge strain on the person. After all, divorces are seldom clear cut and straightforward. Most of the time, there’s no definitive answer to the question ‘should I get a divorce?’ In deciding whether or not to get a divorce, most people worry that they might be throwing away a perfectly normal relationship. 

The following are common signs that indicate that it’s definitely time to get a divorce. 

You disagree on basic issues

It’s normal to have disagreements as a couple. For example, disagreements about your favorite style of burger or pasta are nothing but common features of everyday married life. However, when disagreements spiral, or when they are based on the most basic issues in a marriage, then it might be time for a legal separation. 

The most common example is the issue of children. The fact that you and your spouse cannot agree whether to have them or not could be a sign that the two of you are headed for divorce. Other common issues might be work-related, or even the place where you want to live. Ideally, issues like these should be threshed out early on in the marriage. If you’ve been married for a long time and still find yourselves arguing about having children, or arguing about who should be the breadwinner, then it may be time to call it quits. 

Money can also be a common source of argument for spouses. This often happens when the spouses do not agree on how to spend their money, which is another basic issue that a healthy relationship should be able to adequately address. A common sign of divorce is when you find yourself arguing more and more about how money should be spent. 

You do not communicate with each other anymore

If your relationship feels more like you’re just roommates sharing a flat than being an actual couple, then it may be time to call the divorce lawyer. Stonewalling is a very common complaint in couples who undergo divorce. It means the refusal to communicate with the other person. It may also include ignoring the other person completely or refusing to cooperate or compromise with the other person in the relationship.  

Communication is an important aspect of any relationship, especially when the relationship is between spouses. Communication should also be meaningful. It should go beyond the usual pleasantries. You should be able to talk about your feelings, hopes, dreams, and fear to your spouse. Think about when was the last time you and your spouse really communicated with each other. If the answer is a long time ago, then it could be another sign that you should get a divorce. 

Lack of respect 

This is another very common sign that you should get a divorce. A lack of respect can manifest itself in many ways. Usually, it’s in the form of arguments. Maybe you curse at each other or belittle each other’s shortcomings. Or maybe it could be more subtle. Maybe you just can’t stand the sight of your spouse anymore. Losing respect for your spouse is a common sign that you should get a divorce. If you can’t respect a person, then you can’t stay married to them. 

The intimacy is gone – and you don’t want it back either

Your partner’s touch makes your skin crawl. You find yourself finding excuses not to sleep in the same bedroom with your spouse. These are just some scenarios that could be signs that it’s time to get a divorce. Intimacy is an important part of a marriage, and you should be comfortable and willing to get intimate with your spouse. If this aspect of the marriage is gone, then it might be a sign that your marriage is on the rocks. 

Or maybe it’s the other way around. No matter how hard you try to initiate intimacy with your spouse, there’s no response. You try everything you can think of, but the spark isn’t just there. If this is the case, then it may be time to let go of the relationship. 

It has become a one-sided relationship

You’re always the one initiating the conversation. You’re always the one trying to elicit a response from your spouse. You’re always the one trying to communicate, but your spouse just doesn’t reciprocate. It feels exhausting, this constant charade of trying to keep things together and you don’t want to do this anymore. Your needs aren’t being fulfilled and you feel like a failure. At this point, it’s important to realize that the problem isn’t you. The problem is that the relationship is beyond saving, and it’s important to realize that it’s time to start moving on. A one-sided relationship will never be a successful relationship. 

Professional help doesn’t work

There is something to be said about a couple’s counseling and therapy. It may work for some; it may not work for others. Every couple is different. If you’re already seeking professional help, but the situation doesn’t improve, then it may be a sign that you should get a divorce. It’s a bitter pill to swallow, but it’s the truth that not all marriages can be saved, even with the intervention of professionals. The healthiest thing to do would be to start the process of healing by moving on. 

Infidelity

Cheating is frowned upon in most cases, but most of the time it’s just a symptom of a larger problem. Couples who are unhappy in their marriage tend to find fulfillment in other people. It is true that some couples survive even after episodes of infidelity, but not all couples are the same. If you can’t forgive your spouse after cheating, then it may be a sign that your marriage is near its end. This could also go the other way, if you find yourself cheating to find the things you lack in your marriage, then maybe it’s best to end the relationship with a clean cut. 

You’re unhappy

A good relationship makes you feel fulfilled and whole. Maybe this isn’t true for all times, but a healthy relationship will make you feel like this most of the time. If your marriage makes you feel unhappy, then this could be a sign that you should get a divorce. 

Unhappiness can manifest in several ways. Anger could be a symptom of deep-seated unhappiness in the marriage. Frustrations about your life could also point to an underlying feeling of emptiness and unhappiness in your relationship. In some instances, you might even experience depression, brought about by your marriage. Being constantly unhappy is a sign that you should get a divorce. 

You see no future for the two of you

In a healthy marriage, you should find yourself motivated and excited for the future. Even if a marriage is on the rocks, if you can still picture yourself having a future with your spouse, then that’s generally a sign that you should stay. The opposite of this is true as well. If you can’t picture a future – any future with your spouse, then maybe it’s time to leave. Divorce is often meant to symbolize an end, but it can also be the start of a new chapter in your life. If you can’t see yourself with your spouse in the next decade, or even in the next year, then it may be time to close that particular chapter and start a new one. 

Family Clashes 

This is more common for spouses who come into the marriage with children from the first marriage. Your spouse’s (or your own) inability to bond with the children from the first marriage could be a sign that the marriage is headed to divorce court. Issues like these often spiral into other arguments, such as philosophies about raising a child, or spending money. 

You’re already starting the process – even if you don’t know it yet

This is perhaps the most telltale sign of divorce. Some people don’t even know they’ve already started moving on even before filing for divorce. For example, do you find yourself giddy and excited about the idea of spending your time alone? Or maybe you’re just eager to be away from your spouse. Maybe you’re already finding different excuses to stay away from your spouse. If so, you might already have started moving on from your marriage, even if you don’t know it yet. If you feel comfortable or happy about the idea of divorcing, then that’s a sure sign that you should get a divorce. 

You know you want to divorce

In deciding to get a divorce, you should be able to clearly articulate to yourself the reason why you’re filing for divorce. This is perhaps the most difficult part. It means examining your motives, wants, and needs. Ask yourself what you’ll get if you go ahead with the divorce. What’s your motive for doing it? Write your reasons down if you have to. The point is if you clearly know the reasons why you’re divorcing, then that a sign that filing for divorce is the right step for you. 

Conclusion 

Every couple is different, a person’s reasons for divorcing may be entirely different from another’s. Perhaps the most difficult part of deciding to divorce is knowing if you’re making the right decision or not. While each couple may be different, human relationships are also very much similar to each other, and these signs can be helpful in deciding whether or not it’s the right time to get a divorce. 

By Lilian Synan

Lilian is a long time expert on property settlement.

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